Stuck in the muck of rubber soles
Mashing fervor against the ground
Ramming incessantly deeper into my brain
Making promises that I can’t keep
I never do…
Tied down to something more
Realizing sown seeds of decades’ past
Hooking into whatever passes by
Hoping for something stronger
For the longest time I beat myself up over what I would call my inability to keep friends. I would blame myself for friends not being there. Each and every time someone would cross me I would search for the reasons why I deserved to put last. I am on a journey to achieving balance and of all of the things that I am up against, holding myself accountable for the actions of others is one of my biggest faults.
I had a friend who I thought I had a really good relationship with this person would find all of the time in the world for guys but when it came to us hanging out and doing things that girlfriends do there was suddenly always a conflict of interest. Eventually we stopped talking and naturally I blamed myself for the relationship failing even though I reached out to the individual multiple times. I’ve never had ill feelings towards this person. There was never any animosity, jealousy or bitterness on my part. We were supposed to be best friends but when one half of a relationship up and leaves what can you do? How do you process that information?
Being positive isn’t about being perfect or transforming into this creature that has no emotional response to the world around us, in fact, that is what makes us human. Our responses and judgement take more than just affirmations and wishful thinking to tame. Learning to be positive is also taking hurtful situations and learning to turn them into something beneficial.
Maybe you’ve learned something about yourself that you can take away from the situation to use elevate you to higher places in life. Maybe you’ve learned to be a better communicator and to be assertive about your expectations. Maybe you’ve learned that you don’t do well in certain situations—perhaps you’ve even learned how to maneuver through those situations in a way that makes life easier. Letting bygones be gone is accepting that what has happened can’t be changed and while anticipating the future is helpful for a handful of people living in the present is best.
Bliss is every time I stroke the strings of my guitar. Freedom is the sound and love is the result. The healing power of music is very real.
When I’m sad I press my guitar close to me and play. I play anything—everything that comes to my mind. I love feeling the vibrations come from the body of it. I love feeling the notes permeate my flesh. The buzz of notes ringing through the strings hum through me and in that exact moment I feel happy… A phenomenon that perhaps other guitar lovers and players are familiar with.
Some weeks ago I met a man, Christopher Woodward, an amazing musician who became my guitar teacher (he teaches at affordable rates through Skype. See him play below!). Though he (perhaps) doesn’t know it he has helped incite a deep change in me. Not just my playing but my mentality. Never have I been more aware—kind and patient with myself.
I cannot tell you the last time I sang with passion though I wish I could but when I’m with Ladybird and Jimmy (my guitars) — things are alright.
Kyanna Kitt <#3