Letting Bygones Be Gone

 

For the longest time I beat myself up over what I would call my inability to keep friends. I would blame myself for friends not being there. Each and every time someone would cross me I would search for the reasons why I deserved to put last. I am on a journey to achieving balance and of all of the things that I am up against, holding myself accountable for the actions of others is one of my biggest faults.

I had a friend who I thought I had a really good relationship with this person would find all of the time in the world for guys but when it came to us hanging out and doing things that girlfriends do there was suddenly always a conflict of interest. Eventually we stopped talking and naturally I blamed myself for the relationship failing even though I reached out to the individual multiple times. I’ve never had ill feelings towards this person. There was never any animosity, jealousy or bitterness on my part. We were supposed to be best friends but when one half of a relationship up and leaves what can you do? How do you process that information?

Being positive isn’t about being perfect or transforming into this creature that has no emotional response to the world around us, in fact, that is what makes us human. Our responses and judgement take more than just affirmations and wishful thinking to tame. Learning to be positive is also taking hurtful situations and learning to turn them into something beneficial.

Maybe you’ve learned something about yourself that you can take away from the situation to use elevate you to higher places in life. Maybe you’ve learned to be a better communicator and to be assertive about your expectations. Maybe you’ve learned that you don’t do well in certain situations—perhaps you’ve even learned how to maneuver through those situations in a way that makes life easier. Letting bygones be gone is accepting that what has happened can’t be changed and while anticipating the future is helpful for a handful of people living in the present is best.

XOXOX

Kyanna K.

Change of Plans

 

Dealing with unexpected change can be bothersome—especially if you’re a person who loves mapping out your life and living according to schedule. We all have to come to the realization that not everything that happens to us, ‘for’ us or around us is beneficial to us.

But change isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Going from getting used to someone and sort of incorporating them into your life to doing away them is hard. Going from having a set routine back into the redundancies of whatever the ‘basic’ life is for you is gut-wrenching for a moment. It seems like nothing ever works out or somehow everyone you come in contact with is just using you some way or another.

You could think that way. Or you could realize that perhaps you were or are supposed to serve as their intervention. Let’s face it. Some people are downright wicked. They smile in our faces, they tell us they love us and they even go as far as pretending to support us before plodding off down the road to their true life. I get it. Nothing hurts worse than to be stabbed in the back or to truly love and care and see that person you extended that love to act, if even for a moment, as if none of it meant a thing.

This happens in life. Eventually, the giver gets tired—and guess what? It will continue to happen as long as humans exist and as long as you are living, these people will potentially come in contact with you and there really isn’t anything you can do about it except brace yourself.

People are constantly asking me how I put up with some of the troubled people I have met and the answer is simple. I don’t. Yep, you read right. I don’t really put up with people. You see, I can coach and counsel you and even be a shoulder to cry on but the moment you show me your true colors is the moment I know that you no longer care and so I no longer serve a purpose in your life.

You know it’s bad when you can’t even find the words to express the frustration that the let-down has caused and what’s even worse is that the person continues on like nothing happened. You took note because you were legitimately in it. They moved along because they never really were with you in the first place.

While it’s easy to sulk or lock yourself away and pretend you don’t want to see the sun anymore, you could always do something productive. Like love again. Do that thing you were into before you were interrupted. Have a little more you time—heal with music.

Life, all of life, is essentially just a series of moments. Each moment has its ups and downs and no, every day is isn’t always beautiful and perfect but it can be if you want it to…

I say this as a reminder to never look at life like you don’t have a choice or like you can’t do it. You can. Even when nothing is going according to plan you can. Even if you made a mistake you can. Even in solitude you can. And you will like so many that came before you.

 

Until next time friends…

 

Be Beautiful,

Kyanna Kitt